Everything in the entire universe revolves around love, when it isn’t about love it’s about the absence of love.
March, a point in time where everyone rethinks their decisions. A fresh start some may say to make them feel better about what they accomplished over the past two months. I’m no better, safe to say I don’t regret the choices I’ve made instead I will take complete responsibility. I turn 24 this year there’s no time for letting my ego get the best of me. I believe everything I have come across in my life has allowed me to create awareness of the wrong ideologies I bought over time. I now understand why actions were taken, I accepted and forgave yet I can’t fathom where I am right now is the best for me in the long run. I am willing to sacrifice what I thought was meant for me, in order to receive what’s deserving. Others find comfort in the wrong places, too many hold onto what they think is best. Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of stepping out of their comfort zone due to the way they were raised. I found out the hard way, the only person there for you is yourself. No one is obligated to hold your hand, no one is entitled to make you happy, your life is determined solely by the moves you make. I am thankful for every single transition, without them I wouldn’t be who I am today. I want to gravitate endless purity and authenticity, I vow to educate myself in order to lead our community towards prosperity. Allowing the eyes of others to step into my world only brings me a greater purpose.
April, In all fairness I can’t help but build momentum towards my birthday yet when the day comes around I can’t stand the thought of it. Every year I become so consumed by delusions that I’ve lowered my expectations. Instead I decided to take control of the outcome. I believe you must be the one to initiate in order to fulfill happiness. You are in control of your own fate, you can’t expect others to read your mind. Gratefully enough I’m surrounded by love, and charisma I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Summer, The only consistency I’ve been able to keep up with is trying out different coffee shops during my free time. I crave the happiness on ones face when they’ve taken the first sip on what might be the greatest creation. I love the amount of dedication that is poured into a drink by a barista who takes pride in their work. I admire when the conversation is raw, when acknowledgment is made once you walk into the scene. A quality coffee in the valley is hard to come across, I frequently find myself going out of the way in order to get my fix. Plenty of consumers are solely drawn to the flavors added, accepting the coffee for the sweetness not the base. Personally I look for the natural flavors preserved in the beans. I want to provide more than quality coffee to consumers, I want others to experience moments that have been taken away from them by not reaching out of their comfort. There’s been multiple occurrences where I have an idea on file, I will then stumble upon it weeks or months later. I’ll reassure myself there must be another opportunity, another ability for me to improve. It’s easy to become frustrated over the loss, I know the universe is solely delaying gratification. “This isn’t because the other artist stole your idea, but because the idea’s time has come.” -Rick Rubin.
September, for every person whose been offered an opportunity is another who is struggling to be heard. Potential is kept from the world because the wrong people are given access to today’s platforms. I’ve been placed in so many situations where I constantly get looked over because I don’t have the experience or college education. I decided to give up everything that’s been holding me back despite the consequences. Building up the courage isn’t easy, second thoughts consumed my mind on days end. My own determination allowed opportunities I’ve been wanting to fall into the palm of my hands. I stand on promoting happiness over wealth.
October, I can’t wrap my head around the stigma of being surrounded by a full circle while admitting you have no friends. You are willing to stand by this statement yet go back and fourth from people who have nothing but ill intentions, no ambitions for themselves or a future. Allowing this to go any further creates the exact fate for yourself, clearly a bunch of loose ends. The friendships I had fell on their own most of them one sided others helped me realize I no longer wanted to be apart of a negative cycle. A lot of people are unoriginal, consistently feeding off of your persona unable to add any worth to the relationship. Too late along the line is where I found self worth, prioritizing myself might have been the best decision. I’ve learned it’s perfectly fine to be selfish with yourself. I constantly remove myself from situations I know I won’t be comfortable in rather than trying to make others happy. Finding love and acceptance is something I had to manage on my own, I never had the pleasure of being apart of a stable family. To this day I find myself alone but never lonely.
January, keeping up with my writing is tough during sensitive times. I accepted my path is harder than most because I serve a greater purpose. Despite all of the change it’s brought I refuse to give in, I won’t sabotage my growth by not forgiving. Everyone has the potential to succeed if you’re determined enough to follow through. I know exactly want I want in life. I’m aware of what it takes in order for me to receive it. The difference between you and I is I’m not satisfied with a couple of accomplishments I want to win in every life time. In order to move forward I decided I have to give up love, a love that helped me discover myself.
February, The best comparison I have for my previous relationship is 808s & Heartbreak by Kanye West. An image was created for me in their mind previous to us reconnecting. Realizing I have flaws allowed him to find comfort in himself. Constantly seeking ways to manipulate the truth helped weigh out the greatness of it all. Becoming fixated in one another stops any kind of growth that needs to be made individually. Young in age you can’t allow anyone or anything to block your creativity. It’s hard to accept you’re better off without them. It’s harder to accept that you’re alone. As days go by I don’t find it any easier to move forward but I have no other choice. I don’t understand why people assume any sort of distraction such as staying busy helps. All of you firm on that statement are wrong. I can happily say I’ve never been in a greater position in my life. I’m grateful for everyone that’s made an effort since to make me smile. Knowing I’m a stellar example in my family and an inspiration to others everyday makes me proud of the decisions I make in my life.
March, I will never be satisfied by the small accomplishments I make in life. Once I surpass my idols I’ll know I’m half way there. Winners live by different rules, I’ll celebrate once I’m done. I left my mother’s house at the age of 20 by choice. It was either leave, or stay and face the daily challenges. Since then I’ve been welcomed into other homes and lived by myself as well. I currently live alone it’s definitely something to get used to when I’ve been so accustomed to always having someone around. I don’t recommend putting yourself in this situation unless you have the grit for it. I always find myself pressing pause on my life because I'm unable to pursue activities and live my life without having the means for it. I understand the importance of being patient, I proceed with gratitude. I work so hard yet it’s still not enough. Attaching your identity to the past will only hold you back from moving forward. I’d rather win than be happy.
April, I always find myself in grand scenarios that direct me towards a beneficial state. I no longer want to be considered a threat to a significants ego, I’ll prioritize myself before I reassure you. Becoming self aware has taught me so much about the behavior of others. As I’m learning more about myself it’s important not to be lenient, everything is valuable. I may come off as an introvert, but I’m an intellect. There’s so much I haven’t touched base with the unknown stirs up curiosity. You may consider it tough until you envision the silver lining. I believe what matters most is your purpose. I turn 25 this year I’m allowing my ego to dominate it’s insecurities. Please have faith if you feel me.
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A previous colleague who was interested in my life beyond our work environment asked what I do. I responded with “I inspire people.” taken aback he said “That’s a crazy thing to say”. Knowing your worth is something you should take pride in. I encourage others to listen to their intuition, you’re responsible for your own well-being. Leaving an environment that no longer serves you creates awareness. Not only for your sake but for others in a similar situation. It’s very unfortunate because I was once thrilled to show up and give my all, the love I had came to an end when the effort stopped being reciprocated. Moving forward how do you learn to regain that trust? You simply have to forgive and remind yourself not everyone is in a position to commit. Yet I must keep committing until I reach the destination that’s meant for me.
May, I originally planned to release the first product for my brand in 2020. I brainstormed a name that correlated with every aspect of my identity. I designed the website on my own, I contacted a graphic designer to help me bring a logo to life. I found a screen printer and a wholesale distributor to produce the tote bags as soon as possible. I anticipated the delivery date everyday. As of this day they’re still sitting in a box at my Abuelita’s house. I gave a few away to my close friends and family members at the time, but I refused to share them with the world. I wanted them to be perfect. I wanted more. With no prior experience, I didn’t know how to properly execute the ideas for the project. Multiple soft launch attempts and talk of it releasing never saw the light of day. It’s tough not having people around you who have connections to the sources you need. It’s even more overwhelming to do it all on your own. I’ve built inspiration and gained a better understanding by learning from other creatives because I’m able to look beyond their comfort zone. Adjustments were made; new ideas were created. I fear by not making visible progress in real time has led to speculation that I’ve lost interest in this career path. I promise you that’s not the case. I’m grateful I didn’t follow through years ago, because what’s coming is definitely worth the wait. Keep yourself in style!
Midsummer, I will never reach the peak of my potential until I stop allowing myself to get comfortable. After avoiding therapy for years, I finally considered a consultation. I never thought it would be beneficial for me until recently. I had a brief conversation with the therapist and shared that I have a lot to talk about with no one to turn to. I want to better understand why certain situations in my life were handled the way they were - and why others find it so easy to point fingers and treat me as if I’m the problem. After I gave her a couple of examples, I kid you not - she giggled. Then confirmed there’s nothing to diagnose me with medically and told me I would have to pay out of pocket if I wanted to continue. It only confirmed what I’ve always believed: the real issue lies with the people around me - they’re the ones who need to seek help. But if that’s true, why do I keep attracting so much negativity when all I offer is the opposite? I must be doing something wrong… right? There’s only so much I can get off my chest on my own. I just want someone to talk to - and that’s exactly how I found my love for writing. I’m grateful to be standing after constantly getting hit from every direction. Of course I wanted to end the relationship on a better note. But now, from a distance I realize I’m better without them. The new guy is always seen as a threat - no matter the space and time. If I hadn’t taken a risk and ventured out, I’d probably feel hopeless right now. Never sit back and assume opportunity is coming; always apply pressure. Those who share a similar mindset value you the most.